What I learned from my kids and a conference

In this episode of Balancing the Christian Life, I talk about learning from experience. Welcome to Balancing the Christian Life. I'm Dr Kenny Embry. Join me as we discover how to be better Christians and people in the digital age. So it's late Monday afternoon and we're in the car coming home from spending a couple days at an Orlando amusement park. We left the house after church on Sunday and stayed in a local hotel. A few months ago my wife, Katie, suggested it might be nice if we got some annual pass holder tickets to one of the theme parks around here. What are the benefits of living in Central Florida? It's pretty easy for us to get to places people often spend years planning to spend vacation time. We've been pass holders in the past of many of the local franchises, but Universal Studios is not one we've been to in a while, and to some place the kids wanted to go. The park was running a deal, so I pulled the trigger. I planned to take my family right after I finished my responsibilities with this year's Balancing the Christian Life conference. I knew I had been pushing some of my attention away from my family for a few days to get stuff done for the conference. I also knew it would be a good idea to reconnect and see what was going on in their lives. Abby, my 13-year-old daughter, discovered she really likes roller coasters. She discovered the mummy and some roller coaster in the Harry Potter themed area, Can't? My 15-year-old son decided he probably wasn't into roller coasters. As a parent, this doesn't surprise me at all. All of my kids are different and this is me learning that again. I also got to see my wife laugh and smile a lot. We held hands and enjoyed seeing Central Florida through our kids' eyes. The secret to going to theme parks is to abandon your dream of riding every ride and seeing every show but instead focus on the people you're with and what they want to do. For Abby, it was discovering if roller coasters are scarier fun. Can she embrace fear and develop courage? For Kent, it was seeing if he had outgrown some interests he had as a kid. I was thrilled when he figured out one of the rides he enjoyed several years ago in those simulators that beat you around wasn't nearly as good as he remembered. He found a lot of clarity and even decided he wasn't really missing out on some things he thought he might be. In other words, sometimes not doing something is better. One found courage, one found confirmation. It's fun to see that in my kids. When I was at the park I was able to put some perspective to the conference we had just concluded. I learned a ton from that. I'm not surprised. A lot of things I learned from that are reflected in my time with my own family, because, well, I had just spent some time with spiritual family. So let me tell you some of what I learned and maybe you can see how these things translate everywhere. First, I'm impressed with my spiritual family, who know how to pull together. In the sessions I went to, I loved chatting with a few people I knew and learning people I didn't. When we look at the epistles in the New Testament, we often get confused about some of the endings of Paul's letters. Most famously, Romans 16 seems to be Paul just saying hey to some people he really loved. Yes, his epistles are about important ideas and the theology that saves us, but they were also letters to people Paul knew and loved. I've said many times, the purpose of the conference isn't just hearing some very impressive speakers, and let me emphasize that for a second. I heard some of the best teaching at the event and the ability to ask questions and have conversations about the ideas after they were given was incredible. They often elaborate on confusing points, which was great, but the part I can't quantify is meeting the people in that digital room. In one of the later sessions I remember myself, Hal Hammons and four others of us talking about the advantages and dangers of using social media. It went from a formal presentation to something that is really exciting an exchange of ideas and figuring out what we think. That's something you can do when you are in conversation and dialogue and not just one person talking. In our own spiritual walks, some of us have the luxury of choosing among several congregations to attend, and there's a real danger in that. It's easy to minimize the relationships you have with your church family to a few hours on Sunday and or Wednesday and then not think about them until the next week. We end up seeing each other a handful of hours and the conversations all tend to be repeated spiritual small talk. How are you feeling? How are you kids? What's going on this week? See you next week. Let me be clear I'm often guilty of this, but when you have the opportunity to not just listen but interact with other Christians for more time and not just everyone sitting on benches and looking the same direction to listen to one person, but instead getting some coffee or going to lunch or even getting in an online conference and talking things out. The conversation changes. You start talking about things you have legitimate questions about. In my own family, some of the most important spiritual conversations I've ever had with my kids were on the way to the grocery to get some forgotten milk or going to the mechanic to get our oil changed. In those unguarded moments, my kids ask about the parts of Christianity that are hard or embarrassing to ask in a Bible class where nobody should judge you for the questions you ask, but often do. Yet we all know many are simply grateful for the questions that were asked because they had a similar one. Relationships are often forged in moments of boredom and routine. We often ask questions that matter while we are doing things that don't, and characters often forged in the habits we center in the mundane. Something I loved hearing from my kids all weekend were two magic words I hear them say often Thank you. That's a big deal. Second, like my kids, I realized how grateful I am. I've spoken about the power of gratitude before on the podcast and I keep having to relearn its importance. During the conference, I worked with some truly amazing people Jennifer Ackett, Mark McCrary, Sean Hyfill, Steve Wolfgang, Hal Hammons and Jared Bolman organized and oversaw six tracks. The speakers they chose were all excellent, willing to spend some time making content for you guys to talk about. I think I counted 51 speakers. That's amazing. Then my good friends Keith Stonehardt and Edwin Crozier agreed to put together a couple keynote presentations and again talk about their ideas after they presented them. I've had good friends like Chris Emerson, Jacob Hudgens and Hoover, Mark Roberts and even people I met through organizing, like Jay Horsley, Hunter Davis and Tim Beyer, promoted on social media. I've had several pick up slack when I didn't have time, like Ann Hoover or Greg Prince, and then three people Mike Wilkes, Julie Adams and Chris Osborn all stepped up to help pay for the stuff we needed to make this happen. That's huge. And then 36 additional donors also stepped in to help financially make this possible. Again, these may or may not be names that mean something to you, but, just like Paul at the end of Romans, these are people who have come to mean something to me because I'm grateful. In your life, it's important to recognize those who help you, and these people did, but they are far from alone. I'm also grateful for the 462 people who signed up to attend. Last year I was floored because 143 people were interested in talking about spiritual topics with a bunch of strangers they may or may not know. This year, we over tripled that number. Thank you, I am humbled and grateful, but I am also simply impressed by how many are interested in talking about God for three days. I'm reminded of the story of the Ten Leppers in Luke 17, who were miraculously healed by Jesus, yet only one came back to say thank you. Gratitude is nice for the person you're thanking, but in the end, gratitude makes you better. You're able to see how much others care for you or care for your cause. My kids saying thank you doesn't change if I feed them or not, but it makes them better because it makes them recognize they are cared for and loved by parents who do both. Third, I am blown away by how digital tools can really honestly be used to do good stuff. Yes, I know there are terrible websites. People fritter away too much time on screens, following both the trivial and the destructive. These are trying to addict you to content through algorithms, psychological games and manipulation. Agreed, it can be overdone and often is, and that includes me. But part of my criticism of those who dismiss digital media out of hand is they are using the same criticisms the ancient Greeks had of writing, the Renaissance had of books, the intelligentsia had of newspapers, a largely farm-based economy had of movies and radio and the generation before me had of television. The criticisms are usually warranted and true. Most books are useless, Most radio is trash, Most movies are wastes of time. But the answer isn't to outlaw books, radio or movies or even digital stuff, as if we could. The answer is to make stuff worth consuming, and what I saw was and is worth your time. We live in an incredible age where we have finally seen the ability of people to create and then distribute globally stuff worth paying attention to from tools available in almost every pocket in the world. The criticism I do resonate with most is that online is a poor substitute for face-to-face relationships. I agree you need to have good relationships with those physically close to you, but that doesn't mean you can't also meet people around the world through an amazing tool that introduces you. Some of you know I made a missionary trip with my friend, Mark McCrary, to the Philippine island of Palawan. I didn't know anybody there. I met with 16 different congregations where I preached 16 different sermons and watched 106 people choose to get into a relationship with Christ through baptism. That was very cool, but what's even cooler is I now keep up with a handful of those people. I did meet them face-to-face, but our relationship is now online. Thank God for tools that let us do that. Finally, I am impressed by God's growth. A lot of people made this possible. I owe great debt to them, but a handful of people reminded me that success isn't in my hands. If God wants this to fail, it will. My job is to seek His will, do my best and then be content with what happens. I surrounded myself with people who could do what needed to get done, but ultimately, if this succeeds or fails, it's in God's hands. I must admit that it is unnerving, but it is the truth. I hope I'm reading this right. I hope God is pleased. I hope what we've done has served you with something that makes you better and connects you more with God. A few weeks before I opened up the website, I had the fear nobody would show up. I felt like last year was a fluke. I felt like this would end up being one huge letdown, but that isn't what happened at all. At least from what I can see. It seems to have worked Again. I'm grateful, but I hope you were better, because we did it. I hope we've done something on the podcast that makes you think about God deeper. I hope the efforts that have gone into this have helped you to be good and do good, because I think that's something that truly matters. But ultimately, if you seek after God, he's promised to be there for you. As I'm driving home, I'm looking at 15-year-old Kent and 13-year-old Abby in the rearview mirror. My two older kids, Emma 21, and Jake, 20, are in the process of leaving the nest. They don't take these kinds of trips with us very often because, well, in large part, they have their own lives. They're getting into the business of supporting themselves, setting up relationships that matter and making their relationship with God themselves, and I'm seeing them do that. I'm seeing them do that. That's kind of cool. Emma's planning a wedding, but Katie and I both know the more important bit of that is launching a marriage. Jake is trying on some career fields in college. Katie and I know they'll both have problems, but the same God who takes care of us will make them grow as well if they will choose to trust him. I hope we've taught them that I think we have, but as long as I can I'll try to point them that way. I'm just glad God lets us learn so much from stuff that just happens on the way home. As for the good thing I'm thinking about, I've overcome with so many kindnesses and good teaching and Godly people. I'm just going to have to go with that. If you weren't able to attend the conference, let me answer the number one question I've gotten. Yes, there will be videos you can see in case you missed or want to see a session again. No, there's no charge. The content server that I used in order to create the conference generates a mailing list from the registrants. If you registered for the conference, you'll get those links as soon as they're available. If you weren't able to attend at all, make sure you go to wwwbalancingthecristenlifecom and sign up for the newsletter. I'll take the mailing list from Hoover and the mailing list that I get from the website, combine those and send it out to those people. Second, Adam Schenks and I are working on a conference book composed of material written by the presenters. I'll make an announcement in about a month or so about its availability. Yes, that will not be free, because it takes some time and it takes some expense. We're new to the book publishing thing, or at least I am, so we'll be learning it, but we'll also get it out there. Finally, yes, we're going to do it all again. If you attended the conference, I planned to have a survey to see what you thought. Yes, Jay, I got your excellent suggestions and planned to implement several of them, but I've heard informally from many of you and I can't wait to start working on the next one. Speaking of that, it will again be at the end of July. The theme of this one will be heaven citizens, and at least one keynote speaker will be Hal Hammons. There will be more details coming, but this week I just want to focus on what we can do to improve the next one. So until next time, let's be good and do good.